Sunday 4 October 2009

signing

I was in the Arndale Waterstones last week and cricketer Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff was doing a signing. I was there because I wanted to buy a book not because he was there. I don't really know how cricket works. He had a pretty neat set-up, there was a table next to the window and a sort of reception area set up; velvet effect rope and bodyguard with a tie and everything. The bodyguard didn't have one of those earpieces that look like old phone cord though, so I suppose it fell short of being what you might call 'the whole bit'. The book I wanted was in the Fiction by author, a-g section which was just next to where Andrew was sat. There is a reason why I'm not calling him Freddie or Mr. Flintoff. I tried to dip under the rope-barrier-thing but the bodyguard said that I wasn't allowed because there was a book signing going on and couldn't I see that. I said that I was sorry. I looked over and there were three people queuing to have Andrew sign a copy of the book. The man at the back of the queue was on a mobility scooter and was wearing a blue golf hat with a bobble on it. Andrew was smiling and leaning forward but his eyes looked tired. Between signatures he kept touching his face and pulling his lips back over his teeth. It looked like it was pretty hard work for him and I felt really bad which is why I'm calling him Andrew.



I walked around the cookery books and waited for the signing area to be packed away. Nobody else turned up and after about ten minutes they took the table and the rope away and put the books into boxes. I wondered if anyone had turned up and asked Andrew to sign a copy of He's Just Not That Into You or The Very Hungry Catterpillar whether he would have actually laughed and patted them on the back and done it, or if he would have told them to fuck off and lunged for them and the bodyguard who didn't have the spirally earpiece would have had to drag him off them. I wasn't even sure if you would be able to do something like that and that maybe you would have been made to buy a copy of the book before you were allowed into the reception area. Andrew left along with the bodyguard and another man carrying a cardboard cuttout of Freddie holding a copy of his book. It turned out the book I was looking for was in the classics section.

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